Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Why the Vancouver Canucks need a 'Team Mom' (seriously)

Deadspin put out an article today profiling the mess that was Tyler Seguin's bachelor apartment while he was in Germany for the lockout. Needless to say, it wasn't pretty:
"Coca-cola bottles, garbage and dirty linen lay scattered across the floor, while rotten bananas were left on a table...Blick said the hockey player was "not versed in appliances" and as a result tried to wash his clothes in the dryer.
"He also did not know how to operate the dishwasher . . . when he ran out of clean plates, glasses and cutlery, he bought plastic tableware."
Disgusting, yes - but we shouldn't be too hard on Seguin. He's 20 years old, and frankly, sounds like a lot of roommates I've had. When I was an undergraduate at UBC, I had a roommate who left - I kid you not - a full glass of milk on his desk over the winter holidays. His bedroom door was locked for that time, and when he came back, some mutated science experiment was waiting for him when he opened the door. I had been suspecting something worse, given the smell of lactic death emanating from the room, but yeah, newsflash: young men are slobs. Some are worse than others.

This creates a host of problems. One, they're going to get sick. Having rotting food strewn about your living space and dirty laundry piling up invites all manner of germs to attack the people that live in these places.

If you're paying these guys multi-millions, would it kill you to spend a few bucks on helping them around the house? We've seen the Canucks smartly giving players access to a 'team chef', who provides players with take-home meals with real nutrition. There's room to expand on this concept, by setting up a full-on service that does housecleaning, laundry, even grocery shopping for the players. This could be the sort of thing that the team could provide as an added benefit that might elude cap-circumvention scrutiny. The 'Team Mom' could also provide a little coaching on household skills, too.

In-house moms are common in college fraternities; they help to ease the transition from living at home to moving out, which is a drastic change for a young male. Given that many young hockey players live like frat boys, they could really benefit from a little help around the house. Anything a team can do to keep the players healthy, fresh, and happy will help on the ice and will make Vancouver an even more attractive destination for free agents. This strikes me as the sort of thing that could provide a useful payoff.

Follow Rory Johnston (@rnfjohnston) on twitter:

No comments: